The other night, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (yes, if I watch a late-night talk show, it's Leno's) had a pretty hilarious skit with Trevor Moore and Mikey Day. Basically, the two guys sit around in some L.A. location like Universal City and Dare each other to do goofy things with passersby.
In this particular sketch, Mikey challenged Trevor to go pick up women . . . using only lines from the HBO series/George R.R. Martin book series "Game of Thrones." It starts at 1:09:
This got my demented mind thinking, "Hmm, what if Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, Harry Reid, and Mitch McConnell were locked into a room and had to negotiate a federal budget while preceding every assertion/demand with dialogue from 'Game of Thrones'?"
OBAMA: Winter is coming. We need a federal budget that won't raise taxes except on the rich, that reduces the deficit, that preserves Social Security and Medicare, and that jumpstarts the economy.
MCCONNELL: There is only one god and his name is death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: "Not today." You already got your tax increase. No more. It's time for budget cuts.
OBAMA: Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word. The American people support raising taxes on the rich.
MCCONNELL: If I look back, I am lost. No more taxes.
PELOSI: When you play the game of thrones, you win or die. We Democrats will be happy to take back the House in 2014 at this rate.
RAND PAUL (interrupting): A ruler who hides behind paid executioners soon forgets what death is. More transparency on your kill lists and drone strikes!
BOEHNER: A man who won't listen can't hear. Can we talk spending cuts? We need to reform our entitlement programs. We can't afford what we're promising.
REID: A Lannister always pays his debts. Social Security is perfectly fine. It's got all those U.S. Treasury bonds in the Trust Fund!
BOEHNER: A mad man sees what he sees.
REID: Is it so far from madness to wisdom?
BOEHNER: Minds are like swords, I do fear. The old ones go to rust.
DARRELL ISSA (interrupting) Do the dead frighten you? Why the Benghazi cover-up?
OBAMA: Some truths did not bear saying, and some lies were necessary.
PELOSI: A true man does what he will, not what he must. We got the Affordable Care Act through, and we'll get our budget through.
MCCONNELL: Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.
(ten hours later, with no agreement)
OBAMA: I swear to you, sitting a throne is a thousand times harder than winning one.
OBAMA: Spikes. Heads. Walls.